Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
