dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
