We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
