I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
