I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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