is your mom at the bar?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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