Girls should come with a carfax report
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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