I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize