Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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