My hair reeks of homosexuality.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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