Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
