when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
