we have pet lesbian snakes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
