she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize