fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
