Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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