It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
