I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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