a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize