This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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