i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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