hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
