Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
