Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
