after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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