the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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