I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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