Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
