I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
