I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
