1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
