Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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