I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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