Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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