We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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