I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
