i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
