i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
