i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
