Pregnant stripper...not hot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
