OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Randomize
