well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
