The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
