There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
