I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
