It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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