John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
