I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
