umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
