I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
