super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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