Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
