HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
