I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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