Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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