i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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