I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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