i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize