Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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