I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
