Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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