Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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