She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
