When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
