You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
