I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You can't special order awesome
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize