The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
