drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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