I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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