The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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