left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
