i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
