i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
