you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm just crazy horny about you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize