she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize