If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
