if only i could text you this smell
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
