is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
