So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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