Got a toothbrush?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
