Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
