I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
