at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
