I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
