i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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