Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
