Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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