This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
