first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize