I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
