and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
