Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
