did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
