Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
