the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
