Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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