Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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