Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You did what with his pubic hair?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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