from now on my penis is your penis
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
