Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
