I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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