we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize