I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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