So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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