I wanna passion pit in your ass
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
