mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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