I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
