I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
