you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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