True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
