THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
