Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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